My final draft is above. I used some of the critiques I received which included, add some heartbeats or breating, something to give it some life.

I really liked that idea, so towards the middle, right after I mention my wife, there is a subtle heartbeat sound, that goes for the rest of the clip. As I was looking through breathing noises, and searching through gross strange audio clips, I had an idea.

I had the idea of an old timey projector movie. So that is why I have the 2 second countdown, and then the audio of a film reel. I added this element, becuse it acts as a good introduction/ closing into the story.

The actually process of making that happen was quite difficult, because there is a thousands different tone and types of beeps. I actually had to find one and use it twice to get that sound.

I also found out that film reel noises are hard to come by, so that clip I found online from royalty free website.It apparently was a refrigerator starting, when whoever recorded it.

I keep the same story, and song, but I did tweak them a bit. The audio story I ended up making about 45 seconds from 30, by cutting it and putting some spaces in it, so it did sound so “put together.” I also made the song faded in differently that I once had it.

Finally, I really am happy with this. I tries to keep it light hearted, but kept that pathos appeal. This triathlon is important to me and means a lot, so I sound that it would be a disservice if I didn’t show my heart and emotion behind it all. I will cite my royalty free sounds below.

All these are from Free Sound and are available under Creative Commons license.

Beep noise- https://freesound.org/people/kwahmah_02/sounds/316854/

Film Reel- https://freesound.org/people/Josherman4/sounds/462263/

Heat Beat- https://freesound.org/people/frantramp/sounds/474656/

Bicycle- https://freesound.org/people/13gkopeckak/sounds/378900/

Song- https://freesound.org/people/toiletrolltube/sounds/475713/